you are invited...

Monday night Joel Goralski and I will be preparing a complementary gluten free meal in Cassis Bistro using ingredients from Market 17! Do you trust my cooking?!

i'm gonna be one of them!

It's happening friends!! Health... Happiness... Sexyness...and Fitness! 

My goal is to look like this:

fake it till you make it!

There is seriously something to be said about the phrase "fake it until you make it!". It has been a favourite mental concept I've kept with me over the years and used during my down times, and on Sunday, it totally came in handy!

too much time with me!

I remember when I was a little girl, I use to always think my Dad must be one of the most important people on earth because he always got to travel for work. Every time he came home from his trips, he'd have a suitcase full of gadgets and gizmo's for my sister and I to play with. As I grew up, I really impressed by all the opportunities he had to see the world thru his work travels. Well fast forward twenty years, and now I'm the person doing all the traveling. Turns out, it's not quite as cool as I once thought. This is my third business trip in the last four months. The first one in October, I was totally pumped about, met up with everyone, did as much as I could, and loved every second of it. The second one was less exciting, but still decent, and the third one... well... let me tell you about this one.

dear my one and only...

I have no idea who you are, but I can't stop singing this song about you! (Literally, I must be on rehearsal 200 by now!)

the forever kind of love - Happy Birthday Dad!

Today is my Dad's birthday. Words can't express how insanely much I miss him. Things haven't been going my way lately and it is times like these that I miss him more than ever. It's so hard to believe that he isn't here with us anymore. It feels like just yesterday when I last saw him, but in the same instance, I'm so afraid that I'm forgetting memories of him. Nothing makes me cry like I do when I'm missing my Dad. This is one part of my life that I am totally allowed to cry my eyes out about. 

This morning, I woke up crying, I ate breakfast crying, I sit here writing this... crying. I miss him so freaking much it burns.

this gal got burned

Today I'm disapointed in myself. I let my guard down and allowed stuff to happen that I would not normally allow. I settled. I settled for behavior that I would never tolerate, for respect below par, for everything. It was all a complete settle. Funny how you just know from day one whether or not things will work out, and I knew all along, this was just a really bad idea.

22 in 2012

mistletoe kisses

I am quite possibly the luckiest person on earth!! I have greatest life that words can’t express how thankful I am for everything I have. Obviously I have my parents to think for the near perfect life I had growing up, for pointing me in the right direction, and supporting me along the way. But today, I’m 28 years old, looking around me, and I have the hugest smile on my face!

slapped myself with disapointment

There are few things on earth worse than real, deep, painful, REGRET. Remember on Saturday (just a mere 3 days ago) when I blogged about creating your own future…well holy hell did I just slap myself in the face with that one. I actually can’t remember the last time I felt so stupid about something I’d done. I mean, we all make mistakes, and we all fall apart sometimes, but usually, there’s some reason or point to it. This time, I made one fucking stupid ass huge mistake. I don’t have any good excuses, I don’t have anyone or anything to blame; I just plain and simple screwed up; And I am now paying the price. Just like that: future created. Deal with it right?

The "I-just-want-to-be-me" Rant

How much do you believe that YOU create your own future?

Disclaimer: This is going to be a pretty honest post because I need to do some venting.

After having gone through some rough patches in life (circa 1998-2003ish) and come out with a positive attitude, I began beliveing more and more in the power of creating your own future. Like anyone else, I've been in dark places of sadness, depression, and anxiety, and I remember thinking "why me, why can't I just be happy like other people". Then one day I just snapped out of it, and started just being happy and quite literally, the rest is history. I have genuinelly been happy for the last 6 or 7 years. I can't remember the last time I have felt "depressed" or "lonely", and for this I am very blessed. Insert note: with the exception of my dad passing, which was horrible, but even then, I managed to find the value in the lessons I learned in lossing someone so close. 

crossing the line

I lead a double life, I maybe even tempted to say I have multiple personalities. No I’m not a serial killer, hooker, dominatrix, CIA agent or anything remotely that exciting, but I've come to realize, I roll in several very different circles when it comes to my social life. As I get older, I notice myself paring down my friendships. Why waste time with people I don’t genuinely enjoy being with–life’s too short and I’m no longer in college.

You see, while in college it doesn’t really matter who you hang out with–everyone is ‘cool’, ‘chill’, ‘fun’, ‘funny’, drunk. You scarcely even know your friends outside of a party, and therefore you probably will come to realize you hardly want to see or talk to them in the sober light of day. So now you’re twentysomething in the real world, slightly less intoxicated, and you find yourself with fewer but better friends, you know, that “quality over quantity” philosophy old people swear by. In this ubiquitous process of social streamlining I’ve ended up cozying up with a handful of first-rate friends.

going places people...watch out!

Hey Pals,

Hope you are enjoying the -28C weather we are having this weekend, or should I just say hope you are, at least, staying warm?! I have to admit, this cold snap came right in line with some new goals I wanted to set for myself, and it really kick started them for me. Cold = staying in and thinking way too much about life!

So it has happened again...you know... that f*cking time of year when you have no choice but to re-evaluate some of your unhealthy, alcoholic, getting fat, feeling like crap lifestyle choices. This sounds like such a negative statement, but really... it's not. Good things come from setting goals and making itzy bitzy steps towards being the ideal version of myself (even tho I think I'm pretty awesome as is). Can I say that out loud? Why not, it's my blog!!

awesome humans and awesome times!

FRICK I MISS BLOGGIN!! What the heck happened to me? I use to write on here every day and I always felt really great after my public-word-barfing. But then I realized people were actually reading this stuff and I started to critize what I was putting down on paper, like i had someone to impress or something.  

A few times in the last few months, I'd draft up a post, read it over (which I never use to do), and delete it b/c it just wasn't good enough. Not sure "who" it wasn't good enough for because really my blog is for me! So here we go!! I'm going to blog again, a lot. I'm excited.

So what's been go on with me! Lots and lots of really great things. Since I haven't really posted anything in the last few months, I'm going to do a recap, starting with August!

old wine...

This weekend I was up in Edmonton visiting Roomy’s family for a few days. Aside from a few great visits with his family, I can’t really say I had a great time.

On Saturday night, we went out on the town with some friends and somehow it came up that some “friends” thought I looked older than I actually am. Not a big deal right? Well I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it.

This minor little comment taped into my biggest insecurities and just blew my entire weekend into disarray. I know it shouldn’t matter what other people think, only how I feel…but the truth is, I do feel old, and I hate it.

I am constantly battling with myself over insecurities of not fitting in, being too boring, acting too old, etc. etc.

people are amazing

In the last few months, I haven't stopped moving. I have met a ridiculous amount of new people and can honestly say that I really love them all! I’ve met people thru friends, thru twitter, but mostly just thru being me, and a happy version of me. It's funny that when you are happy, people just flock to you, and it's wonderful. I've heard so many amazing stories lately and am now even getting emails from randoms reading my blog, commenting on how they can relate! Funny how when you have a problem and write about, you end up realizing there are a lot of people going thru the same thing, or who know how to help. People are amazing.

Who Am I?

When I went to University, I had a full time day job. I took 4 evening classes a semester for five years to make money and get my education.

In 2005, I bought my first condo at the age of 21.

In 2007, I graduated from my bachelors program with an A+ average grade. I had several scholarships and job offers over the years but decided to keep the full time accounting job I currently held.

In 2009, I graduated from the Certified Management Accounting program in the top percentile of the program, and at the age of 25, I was the youngest grad of the 2009 CMA program.

can't. stop. moving.

Holy Moly it has been over a month since I last blogged. What is happening to me? And to boot, I totally missed my one-year blog anniversary on June 30th. I didn't totally forget, I just didn't have time to acknowledge it. So happy belated one year to Williams Girl!

selling yourself short ...

Today I am blogging with a purpose. I am blogging with structure. I am blogging with one goal in mind: to keep you reading! Here is it:

Purpose: To discuss sex. Not just regular happily-married-couple sex. Sex with strangers, sex with interests, sex with an ultimatum. 

singinggg in the rainnnnn

I have a secret to tell you. I love the rain!! And the fact that Calgary is on it's sixth day straight of nothing but pouring rain makes me all warm and tingly on the inside!

Rain makes me feel alive! The smell of rain totally rejuvenates me!

...

to tweet or not to tweet...

I know this post will hit post of my Twitter following before anyone else, which makes it all the more ironic.

Do you have friends who DON'T use Twitter? I do... I have lots of them. And I can't help but feel sorry for them... it's like they can't find their favorite ice cream in the ice cream isle. To me, Twitter is my most favorite Social Media tool out there. I prefer it to Facebook, email, texting, etc etc. Essentially, it's millions of random people keeping other random people up to date on their random day-to-day business.

your expiration date

On my ride to work this morning, the local radio station, Vibe 98.5, was having a humorous conversation about death. The question was asked on the radio:

"What would you do differently if you knew the exact date of your death and it was coming up soon?"

For example, what if you knew the world was going to end December 15th, 2012? You basically have a year and a half left to live?!


Would you ...

dear @googlereader and @blogger ...

YOU ARE REALLY PISSING ME OFF! SORT YOUR SHIT OUT

too much of a good thing...

So, whether it's true or not, somehow I feel like you guys are all waiting for an update on my weekend. Haha... so here we go.

As you know, I'm not feeling the greatest in life lately. Things are just off centered and I can't really put my finger on what's wrong.

I didn't get to the gym once last week because of what's happening at work, so that might have something to do with it. I spent all week trying to eat healthy, stay away from alcohol, and just rejuvenate for the weekend.

Enjoy Yourself... these are the good old days you're going to miss in the years ahead.

Noooo I’m not ready to stop!

Wait for it….It *** unfortunately *** might be the end of my 2011 party train. This makes me really sad.

I’m 28 years old, but the last five months of acting like a permanent 20 year old whose lost her Ritalin has been one of the most fun and wild couple months of my life. (Yes, prior to this five month party stint, my life was pretty lame; bed by 9pm on Friday nights, up at 5am on weekends for no reason, not hanging out with friends for months…yes I was basically a hermit).

no judgers allowed!

 

So I have a funny story for you. Please don’t judge me. Hehe, I’m giggling just thinking about this. I did the nasty trashy unthinkable last weekend. 

** Insert embarrassing blush here **.

Never Regret Anything That Once Made You Smile!

dolla dolla bill yo!

Hello my lovelies!

Happy Wednesday to all of you,
Happy "Thursday" to some of you, and
Happy "Friday" to the lucky ones...like me!

I'm beaming with excitement that my three day work week has almost come to an end! Who invented five day work weeks anyways? Imagine if we worked Sat/Sun and had Mon-Fri off.... heaven. Le Sigh!

i'm in trouble....

I have a really really bad urge to SPLURGE on some new key elements for my wardrobe. I have put this spending off since last Thursday, but I don't think I can fight it anymore! I haven't stopped thinking about three things that I feel I simply must have!

Here we go:

♥ awards ♥

Woohoo another blogger award!!! Little miss CkretsGalore happens to be one of my favorite bloggers! And conveniently she's in Calgary, which makes her posts even better for me because I can usually TOTALLY relate! So ... I guess it's in order that I just simply have to meet this lovely lady!

Anyhoo, she has awarded me "The Versatile Blogger" award! Thanks Ckrets!

With this, I have to list 7 things you probably don't know about me! So here we go:

hypothetically speaking...

Have you ever felt like you have a million things happening in your head that you know are temporary, meaningless thoughts, that will very soon disappear and be easily forgotten, yet in that moment they just take over everything?! Like there there is so much going on upstairs that it if someone cracked open my head, words would start flying around my head like a beaten wasps nest!

a decade?!

GRRRRRRR Guess what 2011 means to me?!!! My mutha facking 10 year high school reunion! Between you and me, I sort of feel like these are a bit ridiculous now, thanks to Facebook. I mean i know what is happening in the lives of every single person of my 500+ graduating class. I do not see the point of getting together to awkwardly discuss "SO WHAT'S NEW"? . ugh BARF!

warning

I am drunk blogging. You have been warned.

Half way through a bottle of Pinot Noir, allowing myself one night to feel sorry for myself and just feel real feelings. 

So... feel VERY free to not read anything past this point.

Drunk posts to follow.

xoxo

a drunk...

memories of great shots

On a more serious note... it is almost that time of year again. The time of year where my life slows down a little and I become overwhelmed with memories of what use to be. In 2 months, we will be paying tribute to the three year anniversary of Dad's accident.

My parents had been happily married for 25 years when Dad took off for a bike cruising trip with his friends. We'll never fully understand exactly what happened, but have learned to chalk it up to "when it's your time, it's your time!". There is no explanation for his accident; perfect weather, early morning start, no road debris, no distractions, no heart attack, stroke or other health conditions, just a freak accident that took the life of our dad, husband, coworker, and everyone’s friend.

3 Hearts for 3 Girls!

The last three years haven't been easy, but I'm proud to say that I am part of a family of survivors, and survive we did. No one is as strong as my mother. And because of her, we were able to be stronger too. I know somewhere Dad is very proud of what we've accomplished as a family since the accident. We live our lives, we move forward, and we love each other; we honor him and we will never forget what he taught us.

"In memory of Doug Dunwoody who knew that golf balls and life were gifts that at some point will be lost, but the memories of the great shots you hit along the way are what really determines your score."

Every year I host a memorial golf tournament in memory of Dad. He loved to golf; even more than motor biking. On June 27th, 2011 we will be holding the 3rd annual Memorial Golf Tournament. It's already started to big a huge hit this year. The first two years, the tournament was a fundraiser for the Doug Dunwoody Memorial Bursary at Mount Royal University. We raised $8,800 in 2009 and $5,000 in 2010. In total, we've raised over $100,000 for the bursary! The support we've received from friends and family for this legacy has been above and beyond. There really are no words to describe how thankful we are to know the people who have touched our life.

 

This year, we've decided to do things a bit differently and make it just a memorial golf tournament. We're simply going out to play golf, share memories, and be with friends and family. If you too have friends and family that you love, you're more than welcome to join us at this tournament, even if you never knew Dad! It's a day to celebrate life, love, being outside, and doing things that bring us together.

2010 Friends Ready to Hit the Course!

For more information about my Dad and the golf tournaments, please visit http://www.dougdunwoody.com/

For my posts on Dad's accident, please see "Happy Thanksgiving Dad"

XOXO

sparkle pie

Life just isn't the same now that Jersey Shore is over. My Thursday nights have no built up, and I'm actually not hung over at work on Friday anymore. It's sad really.

To replace this huge hole in my life, we've started watching The Only Way is Essex! In my opinion, it's a UK version of the Hills. Hole Filled! This show is pretty funny. It contains the usual mile high heels, ridiculous back combing, heart throbbing lovers quails and of course, spray tans! What more could I ask for.

Well... This show actually taught me something I did not know! Have you ever heard of "VAJAZZLE"? Use your imagination, it's exactly what you think it is!

Vajazzle: To give the female genitals a sparkly makeover with crystals so as to enhance their appearance. - UrbanDictionary.com

Like seriously?! Vajazzling is a form of Brazilian bikini wax where stick-on Swarovski crystals are applied to the skin after hair removal. Yep, you read that right; vajazzling is bling for your girl parts. I wish I was making this stuff up, but it's true! Apparently, Jennifer Love Hewitt is a big promoter of this too... Jennifer described the appearance of the bikini trend by stating that "it shined like a disco-ball" and went on to recommend that all girls should try vajazzling their "precious lady". SERIOUSLY?!

I don't know about this...this is just taking things to a whole new level! I guess if you're in a long term relationship, and you're trying to spice things up, this might make us girls feel sexier and give our boys a bit of a surprise.. fair enough; something to get excited about. But, if you're just vajazzling for your average Saturday night out on the town, and some randoms going down there... you might want to take a hard look at the direction of your life. Just saying. No judging tho.

Don't you just like saying the word "Vajazzle". Ya I do. I keep repeating it over and over. Vajazzle! Vajazzle! Vajazzle! Vajazzle! Other terms that apply in this situation:

• Rhinestones Over My Hammy
• Sparklegina
• Crystal Canyon
• Sparkle Pie
• Lady Part Art
• Diamonds Down Under

So ladies, before any of us are rushing out to work on our "Sparkle Pies"... let's get some feedback! Boys?Girls...what do you think? I need opinions.... I need thoughts... Like? Dislike?! Let's hear it!

 xoxo

strangers ... friends ... lovers

I can't help it, I try too hard. It's my maternal instinct to want to help, protect and save other people. It's not my fault... but I really gotta rein this one in. I love the people in my life and will do practically anything to make sure they're all smiling. And yesterday was no exception. I'm broke, I'm exhausted, and I'm not exactly the happiest person this week, yet here I am, doing nothing but nice things for friends who are down on their luck.

Why do I feel that when ever someone is upset, it is my responsibility to rush over there, console them, and be there until it's better. I can't stop myself. I want to help too much. I'll practically do anything to fix your situation, and I'm not even a part of it. It's unhealthy. It's not my problem, nor is it my responsibility to fix it. Yet it's so impossible to watch you suffer. I'm frustrated with myself. I give and give and give and fucking give some more, and for what?! I don't expect anything in return, short of appreciation. Maybe that's asking for too much? Is it? Be honest. Maybe if I need to "give" so bad, then I need to expect nothing, not even acknowledgement. Maybe. I don't know.

It's almost like the words "NO" don't exist in my vocabulary. I'm terrified that if I say "NO", then the entire world will come collapsing down, our friendship will end, and life will just stop. Really?! Get a grip. If I put you in your place, would you hurt me back? And if you did, does that mean we shouldn't be friends? Maybe. Maybe I'm holding on to toxic friends!? Maybe I'm the toxic friend that doesn't have the ability to treat myself the way I deserve to be treated.

Just once in my life, I'd like someone to do to me as I do to them. I'd like to be protected and saved. I'd like to get down on my knees and tell someone "I need to cry, I feel weak, I'm upset, really really upset... I can't keep trying this hard... Right now in this moment, I'm failing myself". And then have someone just sit there and say "That's ok man.... it's perfectly ok to not be a superstar all the time."  I want someone else to go crazy over me. I swear I'll marry the first person who throws rocks at my window or chases me down the street as a I run away in a spaz.

I'm tired of being the crazy one doing amazing things for everyone else in this world.

Ok this rant went on way longer than I anticipated but it started to feel good so I had to keep going.... I'm all over the place. I started talking about doing nice thing for the friends I love, to doing insane things for people who don't deserve my love, to wanting people to do insane things to win my love. Oh lordy!

This post was suppose to be about my lobster dinner last night. Clearly I got off track...Click here for my lobster post!



TGIF!

xoxo

when all else fails... go with lobster!

Last night was one of those really random fun nights that you wonder what's taken you so long to do this before. Roomy and I had a fun lobster dinner at home. We've been talking about doing that for a while now and it wasn't exactly a coincidence that I tried to make it happen on April 7th. It was just one of those days that you know you have to do something nice with someone. So... fun dinner it was!

My favorite wine right now: Kim Crawford!

We picked up two 2.5lb lobsters from Billingsgate in Calgary. This was so exciting. They stuffed the lobsters into this styrofoam box and you could hear them trying to get out on the car ride home. I half expected a lobster to attack the back of my head in the car. We survived the trip home!

Two lobsters stuffed into a foam box!

Apparently they were both female!

I wasn't sure how I'd react to see them live and knowing I was about to kill and eat them. I spent about half an hour having a staring contest with these guys while Roomy made garlic butter!

Garlic butter and me are not friends!

The cooking process was quite uneventful to be honest. I was expecting it to be wild and crazy fun times with squeeling lobsters, but they didn't make a sound. I ended up being the squealer.... I couldn't touch them.

My lobster ... going in!

Roomy's lobster next!

It's basically the easiest meal in the world to make. Boil Water. Insert Lobsters. Wait Until Red. Eat! Fun times I tell you.

We had oysters as an appetizer!

Just suck it back!

I ate enough lobster to feed three people. I don't think I will ever eat an entire 2.5lb lobster to myself ever again!

Nice and cooked!

Time to get dirty!

There was so much meat on my girl!

Playing with the left overs!

All in all, we paid $50 for the lobster and that's all we ate! It was super fun and I would highly recommend it if you're looking for a entertaining activity you can do at home. I definitely have a lobster hang over today!

xoxo